Just Believe in Yourself

Currently in my fourth year of high school, I'd say that I'm a lucky girl with friends and family who are constantly supporting me. These people are the ones who are always helping me get through all the challenges that I face everyday. However, they can't help me if I'm the obstacle in my own path; sometimes in life, the greatest challenges we face is with ourselves.

It was in early October 2010 when Mrs.Carter gave our French class a huge project. I was partners with Diamella who was one of my best friends; both of us glanced immediately at one another when Mrs.Carter announced that we could choose our own partners. The project was due the next week, which meant that we had at least four to five days to work on it.

"So, Diamella! Do you want to work on the project today after school?" I asked. The girls sitting next to us gave me a slightly annoyed glare; one of them turned her head slightly to the side to roll her eyes.

"Sure" Diamella said with a smile. I knew what they were thinking; they thought that we were "keeners". Nobody thought it was necessary to start the project when we were given so much time; everyone was just socializing. The boys sitting across from us were having a heated debate about basketball teams. Then Mrs.Carter came towards our table. 

"Shhhhh! Wait, we'll discuss this in a sec. Here comes Carter!!" one boy hissed under his breath.

"So, have you guys gotten your ideas down on paper yet?" asked Mrs.Carter. Both Diamella and I nodded and showed her our outline of ideas. Giving up a small smile, we could tell that she was impressed with our progress. She turned her glance over to the boys.

"Ah yes, we're still working on ours Mrs.Carter! We have all our ideas, we just need to write them down on paper!" one boy said in a rush. Unimpressed, Mrs.Carter went to the next table. After she left, the boys shot us a sharp glare and after a sigh of relief, they returned to their heated debate.

Both Diamella and I were one of the better students in our French class. Diamella spoke with an accent of a true Parisian while I had good grammar that made it seem as though I've been speaking French for most of my life. Therefore, Diamella wasn't too worried about the assignment. I, on the other hand, couldn't stop staring at the clock. My body started to tense up and the palms of my hands started to sweat. My heartbeat started to pick up its pace and I started to fidget with my eraser. When will the bell ring?!?! I was in a rush to start this project.

"Calm down Kitty! We have plenty of time to work on this project until presentation day!" said Diamella. But I couldn't calm down; in fact, I haven't felt so tense and stressed out in a long time. Every muscle in my body locked together in a million knots. Not even a professional masseuse could get me to relax.

After school that day and for the next three days, we worked intensely on that assignment. We wrote the skit, typed it up, finished the poster, edited everything, re-edited, and re-edited the project some more. Then we practiced the overall presentation over a hundred times! Okay, maybe not a hundred...but it sure felt like it!

Now, it was the day before presentations; by now, Diamella and I probably did practice a hundred times! When I got home, I practiced my part some more even though we already practiced after school. But, I just couldn't help it; I was nervous! No matter how much time we spent preparing, I still didn't feel ready to present in front of the entire class. In the end, I practiced about five more times that night. On the day of presentations, my entire body was quivering and my hands started to shake violently.

Diamella placed her hand on top of mine, "Don't worry K! We got this! We practiced a billion times! I bet that by now, we already know our lines by heart!"

"B-b-but what if I mess up?! Oh my god...I don't think I remember my first line! What if I-"

"Don't worry K! With all the practice and effort we put into this project, I know that we will nail this!" Diamella said with a promising voice. 

She was right! We received the highest mark in the class and Mrs.Carter was extremely impressed with both of us! 

"Très bien! Fantastique!" she exclaimed! Only after hearing those words could I take a sigh of relief. After giving me a high five, Diamella gave me a sarcastic glare.

"What did I tell you?" she said with a triumphant smile. 

"I know...I know...I over-stressed" I said, admitting defeat. 

I realized that I was worrying over nothing this entire time. Both Diamella and I had excellent French. I was over-thinking all our possible mistakes so much that I made myself believe that our presentation would be a complete disaster. Part of the reason I got so stressed was because Mrs.Carter does put a lot of pressure on me. Being in her class makes me feel like I'm climbing a never-ending tree. I can never reach the top; no matter how amazing my French may be, she will still criticize me. If I happen to improve, my goal to get to the top of the tree will just get harder because her standards for me will just get higher. One small mistake is like struggling to stay on the tree as a big gust of wind threatens to knock me off. It makes the goal that much harder to reach. Additionally, being one of Mrs.Carter's favorite students is not as good as one would think. I constantly feel this extra pressure to impress her which makes me feel the need to work ten times harder. However, even Mrs.Carter was surprised to learn how two of her top students spent so much time practicing. As the butterflies left my stomach and as my muscles unlocked one by one, I realized that this time, the real pressure was really from myself and not from Mrs.Carter. 

Thus, sometimes the greatest obstacle standing in our way is really ourselves. Deep down, I knew I was perfectly capable of performing this French skit and completing this assignment on time, but I was too self-demanding. Ultimately, I lacked self-confidence in myself. Both my partner and my teacher had confidence in me; they both knew I could do this assignment well. My paranoia made the project seem much harder and impossible to ace than it actually was; I was the one who caused all these challenges for myself. Therefore, after that day, I learned that even if I'm under a lot of pressure, I should always believe in myself.